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然而我虽然自有无端的悲哀,却也并不愤懑。因为这经验使我反省,看见自己了:就是我决不是一个振臂一呼应者云集的英雄。 只是我自己的寂寞是不可不驱除的,因
然而我虽然自有无端的悲哀,却也并不愤懑。因为这经验使我反省,看见自己了:就是我决不是一个振臂一呼应者云集的英雄。 只是我自己的寂寞是不可不驱除的,因
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2023-12-17
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然而我虽然自有无端的悲哀,却也并不愤懑。因为这经验使我反省,看见自己了:就是我决不是一个振臂一呼应者云集的英雄。
只是我自己的寂寞是不可不驱除的,因为这于我太痛苦。我于是用了种种法,来麻醉自己的灵魂,使我沉人于国民中,使我回到古代去,后来也亲历或旁观过几样更寂寞更悲哀的事,都为我所不愿追怀,甘心使他们和我的脑一同消灭在泥土里的,但我的麻醉法却也似乎已经奏了效,再没有青年时候的慷慨激昂的意思了。
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For this experience had made me reflect and see that I was definitely not the type of hero who could rally multitudes at his call.
However, my loneliness had to be dispelled because it was causing me agony. So I used various means to dull my senses, to make myself immersed among my fellow nationals and turn to the past. Later I experienced or witnessed even greater loneliness and sadness which I am unwilling to recall, preferring that it should perish with my mind in the dust. Still my attempt to deaden my senses was not unsuccessful — I lost the enthusiasm and fervor of my youth.
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